WOLF IN LAMB’S CLOTHING – by Tanis Harms, © 2015
WOLF IN LAMB’S CLOTHING – by Tanis Harms, © 2015
....use in address bar: churchskits.blogspot.com
STYLE:
Comedy/satire (8 pages)
PREMISE:
A news reporter selfishly, carelessly creates the news herself in order to better her career.
TOPIC:
Integrity
SCRIPTURE:
Proverbs 10:9
CHARACTERS (LINE COUNT) DESCRIPTION:
( 8) PAMMY LAMBKINS – news reporter, professionally driven
(17) DETECTIVE – wears raincoat
( 1) POLICE – wears navy jacket
( 6) OFFICER – wears navy jacket
( 1) WILEY – wears wolf ears or mask
( 3) WYATT – wears wolf ears or mask
( 1) LAWYER – wears suit
( 3) PIGLET – wears pig snout
( 1) PIGGY – wears pig snout
( 1) PIG – wears pig snout
( 1) FRANK – piglet’s friend, wears pig snout
( 0) FRAN – wears pig snout
( 1) FANNY – wears pig snout
( 4) BLUE RIDINGHOOD – wears blue cape (anything but red)
( 2) GRANNY – nightgown and nightcap
( 1) LADY
( 2) BOY
( 3) “MOMMY” – wears goat horns
( 1) KIDDYKIN
( 1) KIDDY
( 1) KID
( 1) KOOLKID
PROPS:
Reporter’s mic and bag,
detective’s pen, note pad (could be the script),
lawyer’s briefcase
SCRIPT: takes place in a nondescript place outside
(Pammy stands at SR, reporter’s bag slung around her shoulders, holding a microphone, giving a news report.)
PAMMY:
Good evening, this is Fairy Tale News, and I’m Pammy Lambkins, first reporter on the scene - here in the shire. This just in: only rubble and debris remains where cute little cottages once stood. And it looks like wolves are to blame. Police have at least one suspect in custody already. And as the news breaks and more details become available, I, reporter Pammy Lambkins, will be here to give you the very latest scoop.
(Police escorts Wiley the wolf, with hands behind back, from SR to SL. Lawyer catches up. Pammy inches closer.)
WILEY:
I AM INNNOCENT! Someone help me! I have a solid alibi. I was absolutely nowhere near here! In fact, I was at a-
LAWYER:
Not another word. As your lawyer, I beg you to keep quiet. Please, not one more word.
POLICE:
Not to worry. We’re going to investigate, and we WILL get to the bottom of this incident.
(Pammy exits SR quickly, while Police exits SL with Wiley and Lawyer. At SL, Officer introduces Detective to the three pigs, Piglet, Piggy and Pig, and their three pig friends, Frank, Fran and Fanny. As Officer stands aside, Detective takes copious notes as they all give details of the event.)
OFFICER:
Ah, okay, little pigs and little piggy friends, this is detective Wildebeest. He will be taking the lead on this case. So, we very much appreciate your cooperation.
DETECTIVE:
Hi-ya. So, tell me, every detail that you can possibly remember. What did you all hear, see and smell? Let’s start at the beginning, and let’s start with this little wee one, right over here.
PIGLET:
It’s Piglet. Piglet is my name. P-I-G-L-E-T. Well, so, I was at home, with my friends over here, just minding our own business. Playing boardgames. When that wolf came by and threated to huff and puff and blow my house down.
FRANK:
I warned you not to build it out of straw, but did you listen? No. You did it anyway. And so, when that wolf let loose, it all just fell down, like, a house of straw.
DETECTIVE:
I think you mean, like a house of cards, but I get the picture.
(to Piggy)
And you there, what did you all observe?
FANNY:
The entire house just blew AWAY- is more like it. And there we stood. Out in the open air. Nothing left around us. Not even one straw.
PIGLET:
So, we quickly ran over to my neighbor’s house, thinking her house should stand up pretty good. I mean, she had it built of sticks. Fairly sturdy sticks, I might add. And when we got there, fortunately, Piggy was right there, outside, hanging her laundry.
PIGGY:
That’s right! That would be me. Piggy. But that should be Little Miss Piggy, so, make sure you write that down correctly. Good. And, by the way, I’m also missing my laundry! Which blew away when the wolf came over and huffed and puffed and blew MY house down. Not away. Just down. Sticks are much heavier than straw. Besides, I have hay fever, so even though sticks cost more, it was well worth it. I mean, except that it still fell down all around us.
PIG:
That is when they all ran over to my house. It’s made of brick, you know, as you can see. So, we were safe. Then, we called the police, and you caught the wolf-
(Pig points in the direction that Wiley exited, but Officer sees Wyatt the wolf sneaking around in the background.)
OFFICER
Perhaps we got the wrong wolf. Or, the first one had an accomplice or an accessory. And there he is. I’m on it!
(Wyatt shrieks as Officer starts chasing him offstage. Detective remains focused on all the pigs.)
DETECTIVE:
Wait a minute, when you heard the wolf say he was going to huff and puff and blow your house down – did you see the wolf at all?
(All the pigs look at each other, then shake their heads.)
PIGLET:
No. We only ever heard him.
DETECTIVE:
Uh-huh. Okay, well, stick around. I may have more questions for the whole lot of you.
(Pigs exit SR as Detective finishes writing notes. Blue Ridinghood and her Granny enter SL, franticly calling out for help. Pammy rushes in from behind and stops them to do a news spot. Detective notices and approaches.)
PAMMY:
Pammy Lambkins with Fairy Tale News, here again, FIRST on the scene. This just in. Another basket snatching in the woods. We find the detective here, questioning a very frightened Little Blue Ridinghood and her Granny to tell their harrowing tale, and narrow escape.
(Blue and Granny step closer to Detective. Pammy exits SL.)
DETECTIVE:
(to Granny)
Are you all right there? Did you find yourself locked in a closet at all? Are you all in one piece? I don’t know if you were aware, but there was a previous case, and a tragic one at that, where the wolf ate the granny.
GRANNY:
Well, no, obviously, the wolf did not eat me. Or lock me in the closet. In fact, the wolf never even came into the house. At all.
BLUE RIDINGHOOD:
But I DID see the wolf. Big ears, big eyes, big teeth. Although it was kind of dark, and I only saw him for a moment. Just long enough for him to take my basket and run. It all, just, happened so fast, actually.
DETECTIVE:
I will need your name, and a complete description of everything you had in that basket of yours.
BLUE RIDINGHOOD:
I’m Little Blue Ridinghood. And, well, let’s see now. There were cookies. Two raisin and oatmeal cookies, and four chocolate-CHOCOLATE-chip cookies-
DETECTIVE:
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And was that with walnuts or pecans? I love pecans.
BLUE RIDINGHOOD:
They were pecans. Aaaaand what else... Ah, there were four peanut-butter-BUTTER cookies-
GRANNY:
And you usually bring me cake.
BLUE RIDINGHOOD:
Yes, there was cake.
DETECTIVE:
I’m running out of paper. And I’m getting hungry. Come with me while I get more paper. And, any chance something fell out of the basket when the wolf fled the scene? Anything? Anything at all that I could nibble on?
(Detective exits with Granny AND Blue Ridinghood, who shakes her head sadly.)
PAMMY:
Pammy Lambkins here, with Fairy Tale News, always, FIRST on the scene! This just in: a small town is terrorized by the threat of wolves. It’s happened before, but this time - the threat is real. Well, I hope so. I mean, I hope the story is real, but that the threat is dealt with posthaste.
(Detective enters with Lady and Boy. Pammy rushes off SL.)
DETECTIVE:
Now, when you say your town is in danger, how sure are you? You do know about all the bogus reports and false alarms. You must understand just how serious it is to put undue strain on public services. It’s time and effort that could be spent attending to real emergencies, and not chasing after silly fairy tales.
LADY:
I know. I know. I promise you, this is not a fairy tale. Nor is it silly. We heard the stories about what happened in the other town. About the little boy who cried “wolf”. So inconsiderate! But, that was somebody else. And then, when this happened, at first, I thought maybe our boy had been influenced in some way to play tricks on us. Because, I know that he would never think to do that. He’s not like that at all.
BOY:
No. Because I do not like playing tricks, or telling lies. You really have to believe me. I really did see a wolf. Although it was very, very far away. Like really far away.
DETECTIVE:
Could you show me where exactly you saw this wolf?
BOY:
Yeah. Follow me.
(Detective follows Lady and Boy as they exit SL. Pammy passes them as she rushes in SL.)
PAMMY:
Pammy Lambkins, ALWAYS FIRST on the scene... with Fairy Tale News. This just in: a mother goat leaves her kids all alone at home, when a wolf attempts to kidnap them.
(Mommy drags Detective back onto the stage. Her four kids follow after, staying really close.)
MOMMY:
You need to catch the wolf who tried to take my kids. I have had it with these wolves running amuck, and one day, something really bad is going to happen. It’s like a nanny cannot leave her kids at home alone anymore.
DETECTIVE:
You just leave your kids at home, all alone? Wait! Hold up! Are you their nanny or the mommy?
MOMMY:
I’m a nanny goat, but I am their Mommy!
DETECTIVE:
Got it. But- they are just kids.
MOMMY:
They are kids, but they are old enough. And of course, I always warn them NOT to open the door to anyone. I have taught them all about stranger-danger!
KIDDYKIN:
Except the wolf said that he was our mommy. Told us to open the door for her because she was carrying lots of presents.
KIDDY:
Yeah, we knew it was NOT our mommy, because Mommy never just goes out and buys us presents like that. But the voice did kind of sound like her.
(Officer enters with Wyatt.)
OFFICER:
I finally caught that other wolf.
WYATT:
I AM INNOCENT.
KID:
Ah, that is not at all how the wolf sounded. The wolf had a different voice.
PAMMY:
(enters to give next report)
Pammy Lambkins, with Fairy Tale News. Always first on the scene. This just in: officers have now arrested a second wolf, who was probably in cahoots with the first suspect. Suspicions arise about there being a syndicate or organized gangs of wolves –
KOOLKID:
(pointing to Pammy)
Actually, THAT is the voice we heard!
ALL THE OTHER KIDS:
Yeah, it is! That is the voice!
DETECTIVE:
Funny how this reporter is always “first on the scene.” Just why is that? Huh? PAMMY LAMBKINS?
PAMMY:
Well, ah – ah -
DETECTIVE:
And just what will we find in your bag?
PAMMY:
Don’t you need a search warrant for that?! Do I need a lawyer?
(Officer lets Wyatt go in order to search Pammy’s bag,
although Wyatt sticks around to watch. The kids are a little afraid and huddle close to Mommy.)
WYATT:
Did you frame me? Have you been going around framing all us wolves?! It sounds like you’re with the fake news.
OFFICER:
Well-well-well, what do we have here? A wolf mask. Some goodies.
(Detective looks over the goodies.)
DETECTIVE:
I can confirm that these are the same kind of goodies as per the description given by one of the victims.
(taking a cookie and biting into it)
Yep, same!
OFFICER:
Detective, you’re eating evidence.
DETECTIVE:
Oops. But these goodies are so good. Sorry. You're right.
OFFICER:
(continuing his search)
Anyway. And a bit of - laundry?
PAMMY:
I can explain. I just wanted to be first on the scene. Be a famous reporter. See? No one really got hurt.
DETECTIVE:
The wolves, Pammy. The wolves got hurt. And - you cost the tax payers money. That hurts, ma’am. That hurts everyone. Take her away. Mystery solved.
OFFICER:
For a person who likes to talk and be noticed, this might be difficult, but you have the right to remain silent-
(Mommy and her kids exit, shaking their heads. Wyatt claps the slow cap, as Officer takes Pammy offstage.)
WYATT:
Bravo, officers. Thank you, thank you. Justice – has been served.
....use in address bar: churchskits.blogspot.com
STYLE:
Comedy/satire (8 pages)
PREMISE:
A news reporter selfishly, carelessly creates the news herself in order to better her career.
TOPIC:
Integrity
SCRIPTURE:
Proverbs 10:9
CHARACTERS (LINE COUNT) DESCRIPTION:
( 8) PAMMY LAMBKINS – news reporter, professionally driven
(17) DETECTIVE – wears raincoat
( 1) POLICE – wears navy jacket
( 6) OFFICER – wears navy jacket
( 1) WILEY – wears wolf ears or mask
( 3) WYATT – wears wolf ears or mask
( 1) LAWYER – wears suit
( 3) PIGLET – wears pig snout
( 1) PIGGY – wears pig snout
( 1) PIG – wears pig snout
( 1) FRANK – piglet’s friend, wears pig snout
( 0) FRAN – wears pig snout
( 1) FANNY – wears pig snout
( 4) BLUE RIDINGHOOD – wears blue cape (anything but red)
( 2) GRANNY – nightgown and nightcap
( 1) LADY
( 2) BOY
( 3) “MOMMY” – wears goat horns
( 1) KIDDYKIN
( 1) KIDDY
( 1) KID
( 1) KOOLKID
PROPS:
Reporter’s mic and bag,
detective’s pen, note pad (could be the script),
lawyer’s briefcase
SCRIPT: takes place in a nondescript place outside
(Pammy stands at SR, reporter’s bag slung around her shoulders, holding a microphone, giving a news report.)
PAMMY:
Good evening, this is Fairy Tale News, and I’m Pammy Lambkins, first reporter on the scene - here in the shire. This just in: only rubble and debris remains where cute little cottages once stood. And it looks like wolves are to blame. Police have at least one suspect in custody already. And as the news breaks and more details become available, I, reporter Pammy Lambkins, will be here to give you the very latest scoop.
(Police escorts Wiley the wolf, with hands behind back, from SR to SL. Lawyer catches up. Pammy inches closer.)
WILEY:
I AM INNNOCENT! Someone help me! I have a solid alibi. I was absolutely nowhere near here! In fact, I was at a-
LAWYER:
Not another word. As your lawyer, I beg you to keep quiet. Please, not one more word.
POLICE:
Not to worry. We’re going to investigate, and we WILL get to the bottom of this incident.
(Pammy exits SR quickly, while Police exits SL with Wiley and Lawyer. At SL, Officer introduces Detective to the three pigs, Piglet, Piggy and Pig, and their three pig friends, Frank, Fran and Fanny. As Officer stands aside, Detective takes copious notes as they all give details of the event.)
OFFICER:
Ah, okay, little pigs and little piggy friends, this is detective Wildebeest. He will be taking the lead on this case. So, we very much appreciate your cooperation.
DETECTIVE:
Hi-ya. So, tell me, every detail that you can possibly remember. What did you all hear, see and smell? Let’s start at the beginning, and let’s start with this little wee one, right over here.
PIGLET:
It’s Piglet. Piglet is my name. P-I-G-L-E-T. Well, so, I was at home, with my friends over here, just minding our own business. Playing boardgames. When that wolf came by and threated to huff and puff and blow my house down.
FRANK:
I warned you not to build it out of straw, but did you listen? No. You did it anyway. And so, when that wolf let loose, it all just fell down, like, a house of straw.
DETECTIVE:
I think you mean, like a house of cards, but I get the picture.
(to Piggy)
And you there, what did you all observe?
FANNY:
The entire house just blew AWAY- is more like it. And there we stood. Out in the open air. Nothing left around us. Not even one straw.
PIGLET:
So, we quickly ran over to my neighbor’s house, thinking her house should stand up pretty good. I mean, she had it built of sticks. Fairly sturdy sticks, I might add. And when we got there, fortunately, Piggy was right there, outside, hanging her laundry.
PIGGY:
That’s right! That would be me. Piggy. But that should be Little Miss Piggy, so, make sure you write that down correctly. Good. And, by the way, I’m also missing my laundry! Which blew away when the wolf came over and huffed and puffed and blew MY house down. Not away. Just down. Sticks are much heavier than straw. Besides, I have hay fever, so even though sticks cost more, it was well worth it. I mean, except that it still fell down all around us.
PIG:
That is when they all ran over to my house. It’s made of brick, you know, as you can see. So, we were safe. Then, we called the police, and you caught the wolf-
(Pig points in the direction that Wiley exited, but Officer sees Wyatt the wolf sneaking around in the background.)
OFFICER
Perhaps we got the wrong wolf. Or, the first one had an accomplice or an accessory. And there he is. I’m on it!
(Wyatt shrieks as Officer starts chasing him offstage. Detective remains focused on all the pigs.)
DETECTIVE:
Wait a minute, when you heard the wolf say he was going to huff and puff and blow your house down – did you see the wolf at all?
(All the pigs look at each other, then shake their heads.)
PIGLET:
No. We only ever heard him.
DETECTIVE:
Uh-huh. Okay, well, stick around. I may have more questions for the whole lot of you.
(Pigs exit SR as Detective finishes writing notes. Blue Ridinghood and her Granny enter SL, franticly calling out for help. Pammy rushes in from behind and stops them to do a news spot. Detective notices and approaches.)
PAMMY:
Pammy Lambkins with Fairy Tale News, here again, FIRST on the scene. This just in. Another basket snatching in the woods. We find the detective here, questioning a very frightened Little Blue Ridinghood and her Granny to tell their harrowing tale, and narrow escape.
(Blue and Granny step closer to Detective. Pammy exits SL.)
DETECTIVE:
(to Granny)
Are you all right there? Did you find yourself locked in a closet at all? Are you all in one piece? I don’t know if you were aware, but there was a previous case, and a tragic one at that, where the wolf ate the granny.
GRANNY:
Well, no, obviously, the wolf did not eat me. Or lock me in the closet. In fact, the wolf never even came into the house. At all.
BLUE RIDINGHOOD:
But I DID see the wolf. Big ears, big eyes, big teeth. Although it was kind of dark, and I only saw him for a moment. Just long enough for him to take my basket and run. It all, just, happened so fast, actually.
DETECTIVE:
I will need your name, and a complete description of everything you had in that basket of yours.
BLUE RIDINGHOOD:
I’m Little Blue Ridinghood. And, well, let’s see now. There were cookies. Two raisin and oatmeal cookies, and four chocolate-CHOCOLATE-chip cookies-
DETECTIVE:
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And was that with walnuts or pecans? I love pecans.
BLUE RIDINGHOOD:
They were pecans. Aaaaand what else... Ah, there were four peanut-butter-BUTTER cookies-
GRANNY:
And you usually bring me cake.
BLUE RIDINGHOOD:
Yes, there was cake.
DETECTIVE:
I’m running out of paper. And I’m getting hungry. Come with me while I get more paper. And, any chance something fell out of the basket when the wolf fled the scene? Anything? Anything at all that I could nibble on?
(Detective exits with Granny AND Blue Ridinghood, who shakes her head sadly.)
PAMMY:
Pammy Lambkins here, with Fairy Tale News, always, FIRST on the scene! This just in: a small town is terrorized by the threat of wolves. It’s happened before, but this time - the threat is real. Well, I hope so. I mean, I hope the story is real, but that the threat is dealt with posthaste.
(Detective enters with Lady and Boy. Pammy rushes off SL.)
DETECTIVE:
Now, when you say your town is in danger, how sure are you? You do know about all the bogus reports and false alarms. You must understand just how serious it is to put undue strain on public services. It’s time and effort that could be spent attending to real emergencies, and not chasing after silly fairy tales.
LADY:
I know. I know. I promise you, this is not a fairy tale. Nor is it silly. We heard the stories about what happened in the other town. About the little boy who cried “wolf”. So inconsiderate! But, that was somebody else. And then, when this happened, at first, I thought maybe our boy had been influenced in some way to play tricks on us. Because, I know that he would never think to do that. He’s not like that at all.
BOY:
No. Because I do not like playing tricks, or telling lies. You really have to believe me. I really did see a wolf. Although it was very, very far away. Like really far away.
DETECTIVE:
Could you show me where exactly you saw this wolf?
BOY:
Yeah. Follow me.
(Detective follows Lady and Boy as they exit SL. Pammy passes them as she rushes in SL.)
PAMMY:
Pammy Lambkins, ALWAYS FIRST on the scene... with Fairy Tale News. This just in: a mother goat leaves her kids all alone at home, when a wolf attempts to kidnap them.
(Mommy drags Detective back onto the stage. Her four kids follow after, staying really close.)
MOMMY:
You need to catch the wolf who tried to take my kids. I have had it with these wolves running amuck, and one day, something really bad is going to happen. It’s like a nanny cannot leave her kids at home alone anymore.
DETECTIVE:
You just leave your kids at home, all alone? Wait! Hold up! Are you their nanny or the mommy?
MOMMY:
I’m a nanny goat, but I am their Mommy!
DETECTIVE:
Got it. But- they are just kids.
MOMMY:
They are kids, but they are old enough. And of course, I always warn them NOT to open the door to anyone. I have taught them all about stranger-danger!
KIDDYKIN:
Except the wolf said that he was our mommy. Told us to open the door for her because she was carrying lots of presents.
KIDDY:
Yeah, we knew it was NOT our mommy, because Mommy never just goes out and buys us presents like that. But the voice did kind of sound like her.
(Officer enters with Wyatt.)
OFFICER:
I finally caught that other wolf.
WYATT:
I AM INNOCENT.
KID:
Ah, that is not at all how the wolf sounded. The wolf had a different voice.
PAMMY:
(enters to give next report)
Pammy Lambkins, with Fairy Tale News. Always first on the scene. This just in: officers have now arrested a second wolf, who was probably in cahoots with the first suspect. Suspicions arise about there being a syndicate or organized gangs of wolves –
KOOLKID:
(pointing to Pammy)
Actually, THAT is the voice we heard!
ALL THE OTHER KIDS:
Yeah, it is! That is the voice!
DETECTIVE:
Funny how this reporter is always “first on the scene.” Just why is that? Huh? PAMMY LAMBKINS?
PAMMY:
Well, ah – ah -
DETECTIVE:
And just what will we find in your bag?
PAMMY:
Don’t you need a search warrant for that?! Do I need a lawyer?
(Officer lets Wyatt go in order to search Pammy’s bag,
although Wyatt sticks around to watch. The kids are a little afraid and huddle close to Mommy.)
WYATT:
Did you frame me? Have you been going around framing all us wolves?! It sounds like you’re with the fake news.
OFFICER:
Well-well-well, what do we have here? A wolf mask. Some goodies.
(Detective looks over the goodies.)
DETECTIVE:
I can confirm that these are the same kind of goodies as per the description given by one of the victims.
(taking a cookie and biting into it)
Yep, same!
OFFICER:
Detective, you’re eating evidence.
DETECTIVE:
Oops. But these goodies are so good. Sorry. You're right.
OFFICER:
(continuing his search)
Anyway. And a bit of - laundry?
PAMMY:
I can explain. I just wanted to be first on the scene. Be a famous reporter. See? No one really got hurt.
DETECTIVE:
The wolves, Pammy. The wolves got hurt. And - you cost the tax payers money. That hurts, ma’am. That hurts everyone. Take her away. Mystery solved.
OFFICER:
For a person who likes to talk and be noticed, this might be difficult, but you have the right to remain silent-
(Mommy and her kids exit, shaking their heads. Wyatt claps the slow cap, as Officer takes Pammy offstage.)
WYATT:
Bravo, officers. Thank you, thank you. Justice – has been served.
Comments
Post a Comment